The Sex Bomb, The Spaz, and The Token Comic
by SuzakuSama
Summary: FANG/VANILLE/SAZH: 10 ficlets, 10 flavors, 10 orders given. Collaboration with ShinakaStar.
1. Catharsis

**Authors' Notes:** I'm collaborating with **shinaka** with the Fang/Sazh/Vanille dynamic over at **10_orders **at LiveJournal. The challenge is to write 10 pieces of fiction using 10 commands as prompts. We're doing them out of order. Naturally.

**Fandom:** Final Fantasy XIII  
**Title:** "Catharsis"  
**Pairing/Characters:** Vanille+Sazh, cameo by Fang  
**Prompt:** 10. Give me another chance  
**Rating:** K+  
**Warnings:** Some spoilers for Chapter 11 of the game  
**Summary:** Vanille and Sazh have a talk.

Disclaimer: I'm running out of witty one-liners for this.

* * *

**Catharsis**

"Hey Sazh! Can I talk to you?"

At the sound of his name, he turned around to see the bubbly redhead stomping down his way. Whatever she wanted, it seemed important, as she...ran even faster to catch him. Uh oh, is she going to tackle him? As if reading his thoughts, the chocobo currently perched on the top of his afro chirped in response. Yes, she was going to tackle him, and he was deciding whether or not to brace for the impact or make like a chocobo, pardon the pun, and run like hell.

But he decided to stand his ground. The girl after all did have more experience in running around chasing after gunmen and more times than not these days, he felt like his joints needed some greasing.

"Sazh!" She leapt upon him, damnable winsome smile upon her lips. "Come with me! You and me are gonna have a nice talk over… there!" Vanille flapped an arm not on Sazh at a tree… quite a ways from the party. Knowing how Oerba's clear and flat landscape can be deceiving in terms of distance, he estimated the tree to be at least a mile away.

Struggling to steady himself under the weight of girl with a surprisingly heavy fishing rod for a weapon, he made his confusion at this request known nevertheless. "But uh, can't we talk here? Here's a nice place. Not likely to be attacked by Cieth. Or Oretoises. Or both."

"Of course not silly! Oretoises would never venture out here. But if you want we can talk inside." Vanille then firmly pressed her hand behind Sazh's back and proceeded to steer him towards a nearby dilapidated building. The chocobo flitted out of his hair and flew around them a couple of times before another chirp was heard. Clearly the chocobo was smarter than it seemed and gave the two some privacy while heading the opposite direction to play with the silver-haired boy in the meantime.

"Vanille! Hey, ok ok, I'm going," he said, as he walked a little bit faster towards the rusted door. She was right behind, smile on her face, disposition bright and sunny. "So what did you wanna talk about?" He asked.

Though the smile still stayed on, her face grew - tighter, was that the word for it? More grim, more reflective of the events they've been through, first in the hollowed-out planet in the sky, and then in this strange place where both trees and monsters grew rampant but there was no trace of humanity to speak of but in these houses with cracks and holes and rusty robots.

And then there was Nautilus.

"…I know we talked about this back when we were captured and put into the Palamecia," Vanille spoke, words much quieter and more tremulous than when she jumped on him mere minutes ago. He straightened where he stood, jaw set a little tighter in his mouth, one hand reflexively reaching for a Vega 42 - he needed its familiar handle for this.

"But I can't leave it at that. I need to settle it with you once and for all, Sazh."

"I already told you-"

"Wait! Please...let me finish." Sazh needed to sit if they were going to talk this out again. As if Palamecia were happening all over again, the wound was reopening. It was still painful for him to fully discuss it; it was partly the reason why he skirted over the issue in the first place. But somewhere deep inside, he knew - hell, _they_ knew they had to talk. In full this time, no glossing over details. Raw feelings, pure, uncensored, plain emotional.

And draining as well.

"Dajh," he thought, as if the image of his playful little boy would give him the strength to relive that horrible day. Nautilus will never be just the City of Dreams to him. No, it was something more, something special. A time of Revelations, and heartache.

"I need to sit then." Looking around, he planted himself down on an almost-sturdy stool. Taking a deep breath and mentally counting to ten, he continued with, "Go on, Vanille."

She gave a small nod and then spoke. "At the time, me and Fang… we had no idea what would happen when we went into Euride Gorge. All we knew was that we were awake on Cocoon hundreds of years later… And that Fang had no memory of her Focus."

She looked away then, eyes turning glassy, and Sazh knew she was trying to hold in her tears.

"I… was such a coward. She was so desperate to find out what happened, why her brand was burned the way it was. But I couldn't. If I had told her, she would have known then that her Vanille was just a scared little mouse, who would run away when a friend needed her most. And innocent people - like then - would have died. I didn't want any more blood…"

"And I didn't even tell her myself. It was Fang that got it out of me. Hecatoncheir was born because I was caught in my lie. She knew all along," she started to sob, tears freely falling, unable to be held back.

Sazh was shocked to say the least. Only Fang and Vanille knew what happened that day. To trust him with the knowledge why her summon was heralded into the material plane…it shook him down to the core. At that point he knew why she wanted to talk to him. Silly kid, she didn't need to try so hard; didn't she know she was breaking his heart?

"Sazh…I want to know something. Can you…do you ever think you can give me another chance?" Holding back her sniffles, she wiped her tears away from her face. "I want to do things right again. But I can't start if I don't have your approval."

"You already have it." Before she could protest, he continued, "I already did tell you at the Palamecia. And I meant every word of it. But if you wanted to hear it again…I forgive you." Placing his hand on her shoulder now, he directed her to the door.

"C'mon now. They're waiting for us." And like Vanille did earlier, he steered her right outside of the door…where Fang was waiting. Both were shocked at her appearance.

"Been wonderin' where you two ran off to. I see that everything's fine now." With that, the Pulsian turned away and headed towards camp, not before smiling.

Yep, things were just fine between them.


	2. Rhapsody in the Blues

**Title:** Rhapsody in the Blues  
**Pairing/Characters:** Sazh/Vanille/Fang  
**Prompt:** 9. "Fall in love with me"  
**Rating:** K+  
**Warnings:** Spoilers for one cutscene in Vile Peaks  
**Summary:** A misunderstanding by Sazh causes unintentional agony for himself.

Author's Notes: Huzzah, I am not dead!

* * *

**Rhapsody in the Blues**

His boots were about to wear out if they kept going at this rate. Ever since that soldier-girl walked out with the boy, he was with the girl. Vanille was her name...and she was really happy. She seemed always happy; he didn't know where she stored her infinite amount of sheer happiness. If he didn't know any better, he would say that she was faking all that peppiness. But what did he know? He never imagined himself a Pulse l'cie, yet here he was, branded as one, chased as one by PSICOM, by fellow Cocoonians. Weeks ago, he was one of them; now he wasn't. He was an enemy of the state. The thought was hard to swallow.

He was on the hard ground, as he suggested they took a breather and sleep in the meantime. Sleep was quickly becoming a luxury, even more so now that they have separated. The party never had a great start to begin with. Sazh sighed in response; it was getting complicated the further they were into this mess.

But one thing would never change: Vanille. Earlier in the night, she was fine with resting, as she bounced over to a flat space, and dusted out some kind of cloth over. Given the situation, it was an ideal sleeping arrangement, compared to no cloth. Ahh, no matter; Sazh was fine as long as it was...peaceful. He tapped a finger to his forehead and sighed, yet once more.

* * *

He liked sleeping. In fact, he liked it so much that his brain started to become cognizant that his eyes were hidden beneath his eyelids. So much for taking a well-rested nap. A gentle pressure was on his back, the area warmer than earlier, when he lied down. He could hear breathing - his? No, someone else's. It definitely wasn't the little chocobo, flexing its wings at this moment, having been awoken as well. The sound was very faint, and he looked over his shoulder to see.

The area where the cloth was placed was untouched. She had magically appeared behind his back, the crude line she drew even further away than last he remembered. His eyebrows furrowed as he took in all the new information. She was crying -Miss Eternal Sunshine personified- was having some sort of nightmare. Baffled as to the cause, Sazh very much wanted lie there awake, as if his vigil would somehow reach the depths of her sleep and comfort her. It was about all he can do at the moment, mystery clouding his perception of her.

"Still a kid..." he idly murmured. He was sure that whatever it was, she would be okay, as much as he can help it. Vanille can tell him later, if she wanted to, of course. Not like he was going to push her. Satisfied with his train of thought, Sazh made a motion to fall back asleep when he heard a hitch to her whisper not heard of yet. He paused, motion stilled, anticipating that she might repeat it- no, he wasn't sure if he _wanted_ it repeated.

Wait! There it was- he wasn't making it up. If possible, his eyebrows furrowed some more before releasing the tension in that area lightning quick.

Vanille said, "Falling in love with you..." She had been with him a while, Sazh knew, but he didn't think it had been long enough for _that_ to had happen. First of all, he was way too _old_ for her, second of all, he was quite sure he did not feel the same way for her, though it was really flattering, bless her heart, and third, he had a kid and he wasn't sure if Dajh would like it if a girl that could very well be his older sister suddenly become his stepmom- why was he jumping to the stepmom part, _Sazh_, _you're not even supposed to be reciprocating let alone letting things get that far!_

Calm down, old man. Breathe. But not that deep, because then that will sound like snoring, and she will wake up-

Exhale.

Count to ten. Don't think about it. Don't even go there. No, it was impossible for her and him-Was it? And with his thoughts irrevocably speeding towards exactly where he didn't want his thoughts to wander to; needless to say, he did not get a good night's sleep.

* * *

_She was having nightmares again. It was the same, black, the world filled with darkness. And then she awoke, back in her village. The sun's rays beamed onto the planet, filling it with warmth._

_She was alone, once again. Every time, the village changed. At first, she thought, truly believed she was back home, and she was having a bad dream. Of being encased in ice, a most terrible feeling settling in her stomach._

_"Where am I?" was her first question. Soon after, she learned not to ask. Nobody answered the first time. Nobody ever did. Eventually the village would disappear, but not always. At other times, she would wake up to a site of ruins. As if time told its subjects that a civilization existed here, long ago. She feared the decrepit buildings, the rubble of something special, something magical. She missed her family, her friends, but there was no sign of life within the walls._

_"Is someone here?" was her second question. Walking alone on the ruins of her past was downright frightening. She silently pleaded some days for another person, any person's presence to alliviate the foreboding sense of restlessness she found herself in. Like her first question, nobody answered._

_She was trying hard not to cry, but it happened every time. No one came. None to comfort her, except cold concrete. Except this time, she told herself, this time might be different._

_And there was someone._

_Vanille was found on her knees, sobbing as endless day after endless day she was once again, alone. This time she wasn't._

_"What are ya cryin' for? I'm here now," The voice said, and Vanille, at that moment, knew relief. Her tears were answered, her fears defeated. Yes, she was here, comforting presence at least in her nightmares. She always said she would tear down the sky for her, and Vanille was grateful._

_She would remember it always. Thank you, Fang._

_"I think...Fang, I think I'm falling in love with you."_


	3. Aerophobia

**Title:** Aerophobia  
**Pairing/Characters:** Sazh, Vanille, Fang  
**Prompt:** 3. "Shut Up"  
**Rating:** K  
**Warnings:** Spoilers for up to Chapter 11  
**Summary:** Sazh takes a joyride with Fang's help and Vanille's persuasion.**  
**

* * *

"**Aerophobia**"

They made one hell of an entrance to Pulse, Sazh thought. As they left the Fifth Ark on the borrowed ship, bands of blue energy gave way to natural light. Being the token pilot, Sazh was a little nervous about the machinery. Pulsian in nature, the controls were similar to what he piloted on Cocoon. It wasn't that hard to figure out.

Until some creature decided to mess with the ship. Nothing ever went right, as to be expected from being l'Cie. He just thought it wouldn't be this bad at every single turn so far. 'Pretty ridiculous,' Sazh thought, as Fang explained the creature-thing acted as if the party was food.

"Yeah, like a l'Cie-food buffet," Sazh had quipped. What, he thought it was a funny pun. Lightning seemed to agree.

Then the creature _had_ to tear the hull of the ship apart. Yeah, thanks a lot, creature. Thousands of feet in the air, the party were sitting ducks. Oh Maker, what if his joke turned out to be true; "l'Ciefood" indeed. Don't panic, don't panic, the ship was _not_ stabilizing-

Vanille and Hope were flown right out of the ship, barely hanging on. As he was the pilot and was in front of the fal'Cie's path, Snow had picked him up and hung along with him. Sazh was trying to remember emergency training from way back- he had a clean record before all this happened- and totally didn't feel his heart skip a beat in sheer terror as the ship just took a nose dive. Until Fang and Lightning jumped. Sazh felt light-headed, pardon the pun, yet again.

He would never utter "l'Cie-food" again, swearing for something good, beneficial, perhaps even life-saving to happen. Fast. Somehow, as the rush of wind whipped around him, flooding his hearing, he heard Lightning's gunblade go off, and the skies darkened just a tad as something big was flying towards them, violet aura flashing behind it. It had wings-he was sure of it- and was Fang's summon Bahamut. Oh finally, something good!

* * *

He felt like heaving his lunch away. Not long after they landed, another Eidolon decided to greet them: Alexander. Yeesh, talk about really good timing. Because of that, Lightning decided the party should take more time to rest. Which was necessary, if Sazh ever wanted to get his bearings again. Flying with Bahamut was plain rough, and Sazh felt sick as...well a wind-whipped chicobo. Even then, the party's resident chicobo had absolutely no problem with the descent. In fact, he was with Hope, gathering food. Their fearless leader and Snow already left to scout the premises (again) as he, Fang, and Vanille tried to set up camp. At least they found some sort of clearing to make a fire and possibly pitch up tents. Snow and Light were just having another talk. They seemed to be doing that quite often.

"Sazh, are you okay?" Vanille bent over a little as she basically imitated what Sazh was going at this very moment.

"Yeah, I'm just a little dizzy, that's all," he said, waving his hand like it was nothing.

"Oh, I think I know what's wrong with him," Fang joined in, smirking. He hated when Fang gave that smirk, because nothing good ever came out of it.

"Uhh, it'll pass. I'll be fine," Sazh replied, suddenly fearful for his life. Fang and Vanille were quickly building a reputation among the party members. Both of them have a nasty devious streak in them, and he realized just a bit too late that he was their latest victim. Oh crap.

"Really, Fang? I know just the thing to turn his frown upside down~!" Vanille practically sang that out loud. Nope, this was bad...run away, distract, what-

"And what would that be?"

'Quick, man! Get out while you still can,' Sazh desperately thought.

"Sazh should take a ride on Bahamut!"

"Are you kidding? How would that _help _my dizziness?"

"We can all take a couple of spins, and then you'll get used to it!" Sazh, at that point, shot Vanille a raised eyebrow, topped with a shoulder shrug. Fang crossed her arms and Vanille shot him her best disarming smile.

"Please?"

"Ya better do what she says, else we're gonna be here for a very long time." He responded with a very firm, resounding no, to which the two women looked at each other.

"I don't think she's giving you a choice here," Fang said, and Vanille just nodded her head. What was he to do? Outnumbered two to one, with no distractions in sight. Except for him, of course; he was entertainment for the evening.

"Plus, didn't you tell me you used to be a civilian pilot? So you're familiar with flying. What's the big deal? Is it Bahamut? Because he's not that scary..." Great, just great. Now she was justifying all the reasons why Sazh should be riding Bahamut at this very moment- not to mention he wasn't sick as a wheezing chocobo- because that wasn't important. What _was_ important to her at least, was the fact she wanted an aerial view of the whole place. Oh and of course to help him get over the concept of free-falling while a fal'Cie tried to eat him for lunch.

He figured that out as much.

"C'mon, just around Vallis Media! It'll be fun~" Vanille was trying her best to convince him. And, dare he say it; it was working like a charm.

"Guess we're just gonna make him ride," Fang winked as a beam of light appeared, narrowing down on her right arm. Producing a crystal in the shape of a fang, she tossed it up with a cry of "Bahamut!" as the skies darkened yet again. The summon came tumbling down in an aerial dive before landing right in front of them, gusts of wind blowing everywhere.

"Let's go! Hop on," Vanille exclaimed as she went behind Sazh and started to push him towards the beast.

"Woah, woah, wait a minute, I didn't agree to anything-" Sazh dug his boots into the ground and pretended to be as unmovable as a wall, but failed at that as he almost tripped over himself.

"Too late for that," Fang was at his side, and placed her hand on his shoulder. Did he mention said hand was clasped around him, the fingers digging through his coat? Curse his luck; Fang was a better fighter than him, so he wasn't escaping any time soon.

And he found himself on Bahamut, Fang taking the front. Bahamut went up with a great swoosh of air enough to send Sazh lying face down from the pressure. He could've mentioned that he was a tiny bit- just a tiny bit- scared he was going to fall off. He was most definitely not enjoying the scenic drive, and even if he were, it didn't amount to flying ships.

"Hey there, ya gonna puke or take in the view?" Fang yelled out over the wind.

"I'm not sure; even skyplanes have barf bags. He doesn't even have safety belts equipped!" Sazh quipped back.

"No need for them!"

Sure, that was what she would say. Because she wasn't the one barely holding on to...whatever part corresponded with Bahamut. He didn't like to think about it. He felt his body lift up as Bahamut descended, flying on a curve; he scrambled to get a better grip. If Bahamut decided to tip him off in the middle of nowhere...

"I think you're enjoying it," Vanille happily beamed at the thought of the grumpy old man having a flying joyride on Gran Pulse.

No, he wasn't. Bahamut may be flying steady now, but who knew when it would decide to buck him off because Fang wanted a good laugh. Yes, he'll bet Fang was trying very hard not to laugh out loud.

* * *

"So. How'd ya think of your first joyride experience?" Bahamut disappeared and Fang's brand wasn't flashing anymore.

"I'm still nauseous from that wind-whipping I got."

"Oh please, funny man. Bahamut told me you got pretty happy towards the end."

"See, Sazh? I told you you would have fun~"

"Fun for you, maybe."

"We could always go again sometime. Just ask anytime you feel like puking."

"...Shut up."


	4. Trainer, Master

Title: "Trainer, Master"

Rating: K+

Prompt: "Go to Hell"

Notes: Ok, so I procrastinated on this particular prompt for the longest time, until its completion over a month ago. The general outline was easy; it was sitting there for about a year and a half before I decided to type it out. But really, this is a little treat in the midst of my finals.

* * *

"Cheep, Cheep," can be heard as the little chicobo flittered out of his cozy nest of hair to hover around a group of full-grown chocobos. The party was far off in some niche at the Archlyte Steppes, fulfilling some of the former l'Cie's missions. They just fought a monster threatening the small band of land-roaming birds and now...

"Hey! We can use chocobos to travel to the other side," Vanille said, finger still positioned on her chin, as if she discovered the key to a locked door...in the keyhole.

As expected, the party didn't make much of a reaction, though Sazh was sure he felt Lightning's palm mentally hitting that abused forehead of hers. However, it was a great idea, and everybody muttered their agreement. They then took care to lure and placate the chocobos before mounting off to the other side of the Steppes.

"Alright, after the Steppes should be the Maharabara-we'll make good time to Oerba," Fang concluded to everybody as she was already on her chocobo, riding off first to scout for a decent campsite just in case. Splashes of water could be heard as the chocobo ran off, until Sazh couldn't hear it anymore. Noticing a shadow looming over him, Sazh's spine seemed to be locked in place as he tentatively turned his head and the rest of his body towards it.

"It" being a fully grown chocobo, staring down at him (or his afro, he couldn't tell) with its beady eyes. Those eyes…and Sazh wanted to shudder at them.

"Hup," Snow grunted as he used one hand to mount, easily straddling the giant bird as he steered it towards the entrance. Sazh might have heard a giggle come out from the guy as his avian steed turned sharply.

Lightning was next, making an easy mount like she had been chocobo ranching for years. With a nod towards him and the rest of the group, she headed off towards the opening as well.

_How did she even-you know what, why are __you__ still surprised?_

He thought to himself as he looked back at his transportation. It couldn't be that hard, right? Watching Hope speed off confirmed that it really couldn't be too difficult if the kid can ride. Yeah, definitely. How hard could it be?

"Hey, are you alright?" Vanille asked as she walked up to him.

"Huh...Y-yeah, I'm good. No need to worry."

Still not entirely convinced, she placed her hand over his forehead and checked with her other head on her forehead. After a moment, she was satisfied that he was absolutely one hundred percent fine and skipped over to her ride. Winding up a bit, she leaped onto the chocobo.

"See, easy right?" She laughed when she saw his facial expression. His jaw might have been stuck in the "o" position. He had a hard time noticing.

"Take care and don't fall, old man~" were her parting words to him.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm the bird expert, remember?"

A loud squawk can be heard from his impatient chocobo. It was turning its head from side to side and digging at the ground with its feet. It stilled once it knew Sazh's attention was fully on it. Waiting for an adventure. And Sazh was the only one left that didn't mount yet.

"Do you think you can bend a little so I can ride you?"

Black eyes just stared back at him.

"I'll take that as a 'no' then," Sazh scratched his head. Perhaps the bird actually understood him, or rather, didn't like his choice of words.

"I have something to tell you chocobo. I don't really know how to mount you."

"Wow, and here I thought you had _experience_ with riding a chick."

Sazh spun around to see...Fang up on her chocobo, cracking up at her own joke, tapering off when the man fell silent.

"Why hello there, you're serious, aren't ya?"

"...Okay, okay you got me. I don't know how to ride a chocobo. Closest I've been to them was at a theme park."

Fang pushed herself off the giant bird and landed perfectly on her feet, with the chocobo nipping at the water nearby.

"Then I'll teach you how to. Shouldn't be too hard, since you and Bahamut were cozying up not too long ago."

"That isn't encouraging."

* * *

"Up and at 'em, boy-o."

"No, not if you're going to laugh at me again. I told you I was serious about this."

"And I told _you_ that this is a wild breed. Wild, not like those Cocoonian ones I've heard about. You gotta be firm and patient with them. Besides I don't want to let the others think we're dead. Let's go, Sazh."

_Thump._ "Ow!" Sazh ended up on the ground sitting as the chocobo flapped its wings and stepped back. Fang gently went towards the bird and calmed it down again, stroking its feathers and cooing.

"I've calmed it down now, so one more time mate. C'mon now, before the sun sets."

She helped Sazh up before stepping back to let him try again.

"That's it. This is the last time," Sazh said as he readied himself for the climb.

And climb he did, jumping off his feet, but not getting enough lift to fully mount himself. Instead, one arm was over the chocobo's body as he lifted his leg over the body as well. The bird may have grunted a little, if not him from pressing on the chocobo's body.

But he was finally riding the chocobo!

"Yea I did it!"

He turned and gently steered the chocobo to see Fang clutching her sides, holding in laughter.

"See, you're a natural at this," she said, giving one of her trademark smirks, "So natural that a baby bird can ride you-"

"Go to Hell, Fang," he replied. Then he laughed, joining her, "But thanks for teaching me. I appreciate it."

"Don't mind that," she said as she easily mounted up in a sideways saddle.

"C'mon now, before we really lose the party." Fang quipped as they both rode out of the enclosed space.


End file.
